Observations from the Balcony

I’ve been looking forward to this Bouchercon for a couple of years now. Ever since it was announced really.

This being my first time the big thing for me was meeting people face to face. Having exchanged emails with people it was great to finally talk in person.

I’ll be honest, from a fanboy perspective it was also great getting books signed. Just from a personal collection standpoint. Great mementos of a fun time. Made out like a bank robber too. Got books from Bob Ward, Gary Phillips, David Corbett, Duane Swierczynski, Sean Doolittle and Marcus Sakey signed.

Instead of a weak attempt at a re-cap what I decided to do was a top 10 list of Bouchercon moments. Panels are great but often times the truly classic moments happen when no one is expecting it; when guards are down and masks have slipped then moments that are real happen.

10) Bill Crider scaring the shit out of my daughter. This one will be in the 10 spot because I didn’t witness it but heard ALL about. Apparently she was anxious to meet someone from Texas and hey look at that there’s Bill Crider. She then asked him to scare her and went back to playing. A couple of minutes later he jumps at her doing some sort of Elvis/Dracula impersonation and because she is who she is…she jumped.

9) Angie Johnson-Schmit, John McFetridge, Declan Burke and myself walked a couple of blocks to 7-11 late one night. There’s a guy sitting on the corner by the hotel and as he sees us approach he shouts “HEY, it’s the fucking mystery writers. Write me a fucking mystery.”

8 ) Too briefly talking about Kelly Link with Jen Jordan. We both agreed that she is in fact the Queen of Awesome.

7) All weekend I’d been pretty good about approaching people and introducing myself and talking for a few minutes, but there were two people that made me turn into a chicken shit. On a couple of occasions I saw George Pelecanos and just couldn’t go up to him. I mean shit he’s George freakin Pelecanos. So yeah I’m a wimp.

The other person…

…Victor Gischler.

I know right. So I finally met him in the signing room and he’s a hell of a nice guy.

6) At the guest of honor dinner on Wed. night I was sitting next to Russel D. MacLean, who for the sake of those that don’t know is Scottish. And the gentleman sitting next to him felt that Russel both looked and reminded him of someone. Eventually having his light bulb moment this gentleman proceeds to tell Russel that he reminds him of Robert the Bruce from Braveheart. Russel throws up his hands and says loudly “Oh great, now you’ve turned me into an English turncoat.”

Speaking of turncoats

5) The pub quiz. Mark Billingham and John Connolly come in after it has started. Mark goes over and joins Val McDermid’s team. Christa Faust stands up and calls John’s name to come and join us. He hesitates and she gives him a hip wiggle as enticement which, of course, seals the deal. Then within 2 minutes that son of a bitch hell of a nice guy leaves us to take up with another team.

But, don’t worry Mr. Connolly, it’s all water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned. In fact I’ll prove it to you in the only way that I know how. I think tomorrow I’ll go to the store and buy TEN copies each of all of your Harry Bosch books.

4) Raise the level of discourse. I was talking to Declan Burke and John McFetridge and I said that one of my intended goals with Observations from the Balcony was to raise the level of discourse but filtering out the noise and focusing on the signal. Later on I over heard Gerald So talking with Robert the Bruce Russel MacLean and he said that he wanted to see the level of discourse raised.

Let this now be the mantra of all moving forward. Dig deep, kick it up a few notches and let’s blow the roof off of this mother.

3) Near the end of the panel that I moderated I wanted to ease into the audience Q&A portion with some light hearted and humorous questions. Given that the topic was serial killers you might think that this would prove to be difficult. Not so. I didn’t tell my panelists that I was going to do this. The look on Michelle Gagnon’s face when I asked her the following question: “Hannibal Lechter. Boxers or Briefs?” was priceless.

For those that are curious her answer was silk boxers. But the best part of that question may just be that it provoked debate. Before I could move on Alan Jacobson jumped in and said that he disagreed and felt that the good doctor was a briefs man.

2) As we all packed into the elevator to go up to the guest of honor dinner at the Enoch Pratt Library, and I do mean packed, someone remarked about the lack of room that it was “cozy”. Another voice says “did someone say cozy?” And still another says “Oh I don’t read that crap”. With the final voice of reason saying “remember, we are in mixed company.”

I don’t think the cozy writers appreciated that exchange.

1) Having dinner Sunday night with Ali Karim, Sandra, R J Ellory, Jodi and Jeff Pierce, Linda L. Richards and Peter Rozovosky. This dinner could easily provide it’s own top 10 list to be fair but here are just some of the highlights.

-An impassioned debate about the role of luck vs. hard work in the success of a writer which ended in a good natured challenge to a fight.

-When Jeff doesn’t like a book, he really feels strongly about it. In fact he may just turn into Cartman.

-Another impassioned debate about the role of and potential worth of a review, especially in relation to if the author can learn from them or not.

-We ate outside because the weather was gorgeous. Ali lights up a smoke and the waiter tells him it’s a smoke free zone. So for the rest of the evening Ali literally goes two feet away from the table, steps over the rope and smokes.

-But the best part may just be the types of conversations that arise when writers, readers, fans and reviewers of crime fiction get together and the volume of said conversations due to the size. It surprised none of us when we started discussing at length cuss words. But oh, in retrospect, how I feel sorry for the other patrons. What must they have been thinking when they heard words like “twat” and “cunt” being tossed around so casually (we were discussing their usage and how offensive they were to some). Or the search for American versions of words like “wanker” and “tosser”. Ali kept using the work “knob” and Peter was a little unclear so I spelled it for him. In a moment of relative silence in the restaurant Ali’s voice boldly filled the void “A knob is a cock.” Again what those poor other patrons must have thought.

I feel confident in saying that this Bouchercon will go down in the books as legendary and will be remembered long after as the high water mark. Ruth and Judy you were fantastic.